Inspiration

So I’ve recently decided I’m not completely happy in my life.  After everything having turned itself upside down six months ago, luckily I’ve kept my head out of the water and well, just.. managed.

I have a weird roommate situation (Single White Female), a stressful job, and things haven’t been going as planned lately with parents and what not.  SOOOOOOOO… I’ve had a few (and frequent) revelations, or “life kickers” as I like to call them.  I am going to walk myself through these, as I would a friend telling me my own words.

Firstly, New Boy has listenened to my job woes since the beginning.  He’s known me through the years and saw me transition from bartender to a coordinator, and now he’s changed his mind.  For now, he’s dating the girl who’s stressed, and unfulfilled.  He inspires me to want more, and do more, and I think it’s time.  Therefor I’m on my new job search.  The economy right now is not very excepting of my desires, but damnit I’m not willing to be complacent.  I have many talents, and don’t want to waste away at my company like so many others have.  I am intrigued by starting over, and I love change.  So I guess I’m admitting to myself that I’m ready for a career change, possibly a life change, seeing how I’m starting a new life with New Boy.  He wants me to move in with him in October.  I’m nervous because I did that with the ex, B.  I felt as though I was stuck, but I was in love, so I moved in with him.  Now I’m in a position where I don’t have to move in with him to be stable.  Is it safe for me to take another HUGE chance at 26? 

To interject on my own thoughts, my boss said something that struck a cord.  He is 66, and old school.  He, in the heat of his own words, spit out “if I was your age, and a man, and you were single, I’d wonder why you were still unmarried.”  Now, my parents are not very old world, nor have they ever instilled that on me.  I’m just a normal girl, with a pretty god damn good head on my shoulders.  I’m afraid of (now that someone bluntly brought to my attention) the thought of spending another few years or more with New Boy and ending up alone again, starting over, and losing myself once again…… I don’t like when people don’t think before they speak.  When I left my ex, my boss thought he was insane, which made me feel supported.  Now I’m being called an Old Maid?!?!?!?!?  Am I wrong to think in a negative way when I’m such a positive person?  I hope that I can learn to wash all these little whispers out of my brain, and let myself go as I always have wanted.

So I ask, can one woman be herself, define herself, defy her bosses words and still live strong and succeed?  One can only hope, and I plan to tell myself how good I am doing every day in my secret little bloggy blog.