Reflection..

A time so sit amongst yourself and reflect upon those things which plague or satisfy your mind.

That is my definition.

I would think you would typically do this alone, in quiet, in a chosen peaceful place.  I however chose to use words, or photography to reflect upon my thoughts.

Lately, writing a post and leaving it unfinished has been a pattern for me.  I’m really good at starting something, and leaving the finale for a later date.  As irritating as it sounds to you, it’s worse for me.  I’m thinking my thoughts and ADD are in a whirlpool and even they don’t know where they’re going.  It’s hard to describe, but it’s like living in constant motivation to complete a task, or go run an errand, and not having the means to do so.  Like for instance- knowing you need to go to the country store 40 miles away, but you don’t have a car.. yet my grocery store is like 1.2 miles away, and my car still runs.

A constant pour of luck (no jobs, don’t get excited, oh wait.. that’s me) and love has come my way since I’ve been laid off.  I’m in a whirlwind of people to call, Email, visit.. and I just can’t keep up.  You’d think I’d have all the time in the world… but yet my stress has weighed heavy on my heart.  I love change, I love the unknown.. but my life has always felt so good when there’s a plan.. yet as I reflect, there’s never been a plan.

I move a lot, I’ve never owned my own place, I’ve never rented my own place until now..

I date guys with a big heart, but it always turns out sour.

I sit down and I write and write and write, but I never post.

Sometimes even thought you have faith in yourself, and your dreams.. you start to lose luster in those dreams and gain a sense of survival.  Although you maybe go a little stircrazy in this time, you have to reflect on the good times, and never let yourself down.  I’m reaching out to this, and trying to live vicariously through the old me, the strong me, the ME that knows I can get through this.

Right now I’m feeling a little neutral, but I’m challenging myself to try and figure out what I can do to get myself into gear.

The competition never stops, the drive never ends, it’s always there.  It’s YOU that can put in park, or chose to drive.