I don’t understand why I’m so emotional.
I start to hold back tears and the back of my chest pushes out breath with a sound.. a sound knew I had forgot but rings common to my ears.
I walk away from my spot. Maybe you’ve come to see me in my chair.. my back against the wall.. so I can see you all.
Maybe you’ve thought of it as a position I’ve held for a long time; being the one looking out..
Maybe what I’ve shown is not who I am. Maybe I’m something different but you’ve never given me the chance to hold other grounds.
When I did walk away I looked up. I saw an airplane. I thought about all those people on a journey.
Some who are whisking away to a happier place (full of family, full of love, full of job opportunities, full of hope for a better life) – then I thought of the sad (flying to say goodbye, flying home to a place they knew held hurt, turning a old leaf over once again) – then there was a desire.. a need to get out.. a need to get away and couldn’t help but think there was someone up there unaware.
I wanted to be on that plane. I wanted someone to be looking up at me.. wondering what I was feeling.. was I the girl? Not the girl for you, but the girl who just hurt… with no range, no end, no understanding….
You are amazing, you.. you have been there and it shakes my butterflies.
I don’t want to let you go but …
The word “but” is always the brick to the face. It says “hi, I’m here, you know it.. it hurts like no other, but you have no choice to feel the pain.”
I feel. I hurt. It’s a sign of life. I am grateful I have breath.
